For much of my adult life, I was guided by Lust.
Lust for cars, or money, or technology, but mostly - lust of women. I would view women as objects to simply meet my desires and then to be cast aside as I moved through life. It was a harrowing experience, to watch myself participate in the world’s shallowness - proclaiming love yet in secret not knowing what love was.
Lust is a misdirection. It is a distraction from the Ultimate Self - and how far I stumbled while chasing a false God. It is a Sin for this simple reason. But, moreso, it is damaging to the soul. This was a massive realization for me - I never really had massive success while succumbing to the demon of lust. What I mean by this is that I would have months where I would make massive strides towards my goals; tens of thousands of dollars, projects moving toward the goal line, writing everyday, exercising my body and mind - and then I would snap back to nothing or even have losses.
I found myself with less and less energy, I felt and saw myself getting further away from the Ultimate Self that I espouse. I felt as if others were watching me, when I knew that they were not - and this stopped me from creating. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I was a sneak, I would outwardly show confidence, but inside, I was a mess.
This all started to change for me when I began the Practice. The Practice of Retention of soul, energy, and seed.
Almost instantly - what came was massive creativity, flow, and a lasting state of bliss. Every single time that I fell down and released my Life Force, I felt depressed, down, sick, anxious, sad, like I had let myself - and worse my future self - down. As I witheld, as I did not succumb to watching pornography, looking at girls or falling for the stumbling blocks of modernity, I saw shimmers of the man I could be. I wanted more than everything to meet Him. To shake His hand. To align with Him.
As I built up longer and longer retention cycles, I felt as if the world was bending to my Will. With much trial and tribulation, I decided to become the man that I am meant to be. A man that is immune to lust of the material world, in pursuit of the spiritual in all that he does and sees. I know the bliss, the State of Being that is possible in this lifetime. I have had inklings of it again and again through meditation or breathwork or psychedelic use.
So, I decided to endure. It was entirely worth it - and I would recommend any young man to do the same. Here is what I learned:
Why did I fall down? #
After much introspection, I believe the reason that I fell down and succumbed to lust was my desire to be wanted, to find love, to prove that I was enough. As an injured body, I thought that the proof was in the flesh. I thought that in order to prove to myself that I was still worthy, I had to prove it on the playing field of conquest of women. The reason that men become ’playboys’ is because they were harmed in a previous relationship - they believe that if they shut off their heart and hurt others, it will somehow make up for the shortcoming of his. I was no different. But, add this to a body that was broken, and you had a man that was out there to prove something to himself. To cover his wounds.
When I was younger, I was hurt in a relationship when I thought I was in love. From there, I made a pact with my future self to never allow myself to be open to this experience again.
But - life is best lived when you open up yourself to the possibility of loss, of getting hurt. That is the only way to live. All else is cope, you will be a jaded husk of a human being otherwise.
Most men are shells #
95% of men are shells of existence. They are constantly enamoured by the female form, giving over their life force to succubi. You cannot experience the epitome, the pinnacle, of Being if you are always falling down in this way.
95% of men watch pornography on a regular basis. They give over their lives to online e-girls, tipping them hundreds of dollars to see things that are not meant to be seen by anyone but the Creator and her husband. The world is in such a state because of the men. Not because of the women acting like this - they are rewarded for doing so, and thus will act as such if there is reward in it, it is only the path of least resistence.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of lust. It is perhaps the most prevalent plague of our generation. Highspeed internet, access in your pocket anywhere. This is not easy to overcome.
But - it is a trap, a lie.
I assure you of this.
Cease it immediately, and begin to see who you are.
Just say No #
I have had the desire to fall again. To fall back into vice. To watch succubi on the little addiction device that each and every one of us carry in our pockets. When the desire comes up - I look at myself in the mirror and say ’no’.
I will not do it.
I will not do things that I know make me feel lesser.
I control my mind, not the other way around. I am the master, all else is my follower. So - when the ’desire’ comes - I say ’no’. I want more - I want to be bigger than I am, I want to see who I can become.
That is all that I must do - is say ’no’.
When it gets too much, when I ’feel’ as if I ’need’ to release - I talk to God. I beg him for forgiveness for my past transgressions. I ask him in the name of Jesus Christ to remove the vice from my life and replace it with His Will and Mission. I cease in the moment to feel as if I don’t have control over my mind and body - and I do the bidding of God. I ask Him to show me the Ultimate Self. The picture of Gods Will in human form. I tell myself that that is the future for those that will give all of themselves to the journey, the Practice.
And, I say ’NO’.
Submit #
The 12 step program contains the second step of believing in a Higher Power, and only through this Higher Power are you to overcome the addictions that plague you. For me, this is God - the Highest of High.
I am but a character for the Lord to do His Work. I am here as a man that simply is His Follower. No act is to be attributed to me alone - it is all through His strength and guidance.
The only real changes in my life came when I fully gave myself over to the Will of God. When I said “I will do whatever you need me to do as your servant.”
You can begin down this path with the simple prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”
Give all of yourself.
You are not the one to be credited with - it is all God.
We are simply vessels.
A character for the Lord to do His Work and play this game of life through. To learn, to experience, to Be. Feel the power of God in you, because you are meant to - you are his child. A perfect, broken vessel to repair and hold His Love.
Remove the Triggers #
The world that surrounds us is a trigger of lust.
It is meant to distract from the Ultimate by giving us glimpses of ’beauty’ (read: false beauty) to tempt us into evil. When you remove the triggers such as social media, video watching, and incessant phone use, you begin to see how much of your life was wasted on these completely vapid pursuits. You can use these channels only once you have developed the discipline to use them, but 95% of people have not (I do not believe I have).
The way to do this is to follow my guide for overcoming smartphone addiction. I discuss the phone because it is the most easily accessed device to the realm of lust. Remove the trigger, and you will find that it is much easier to live a life walking with God and your Higher Being.
Retention #
The idea of sexual transmutation is not something new. It has been spoken about at length by plenty of authors and theologies and men that are much further on the path than myself. I will simply say that the energy you will have from retaining your life force will be massive. It will be something that you will have to put somewhere.
As men, we exude ourselves into the world - we must go out and touch the Universe. The release of life force through ejaculation is one way - but it is not the way toward the Ultimate.
If you hold in the power, the energy, it has to get out and be circulated, this is the law of nature. So - what will you do with it? Will you create the next great business, book, idea, building, piece of art? Or are you going to waste your power on pixels?
The choice is yours.